Buttons!

Just check out these fantastic buttons I received from ‘There will be Buttons’ on Etsy! 

I was browsing the site, trying to find something perfect for my husband, when Lieutenant Dan appeared with his ice cream cone and his headband.  Could it be any more perfect?  I think not.

Of course, to order a single button would be ludicrous.  Why, the $1 spent on the tiny button would be overshadowed by the $2 shipping fee.  And why order one, single, solitary, silly button when there are so many buttons to choose from?

I mean… Nell?? A coy looking Pee Wee?? And Buzz?  I want them all!!

I did not originally want Mr. Rogers, however.  I really wanted this fantastic Wayne’s World quote, but, alas, it was on another button site and I couldn’t get it…without ordering 7-10 buttons from that person.  I might still order it.  I’m not sure yet.  I do love silly buttons. Who am I kidding? I’m probably going to order it today.

Although I’m not sure who else I know loves to wear silly buttons.  Definitely not my husband… but he’s getting Lt. Dan and he’s going to love it.  If only he were just a little more geeky…then I could order all the things that make me giggle and I would giggle all the live long day!!

Thank you, button makers of the world!!

Zombie bacon?

Is it made out of people?  That’s what zombies eat, right? People?? Brains??

Strawberry vanilla?  It looks kind of delicious though….like a sour patch kid.  Sour kid’s brains prepackaged for all your zombie needs.  Yum….

Progressive zombies of the future will protest against gmo zombie bacon and overly processed brains.  They will strive to only ingest organic human brains with the highest amount of omega-3’s.  They’ll be juicing us to ingest the maximum amount of micronutrients in our delicious flesh. 

Juicing us.  Morbid. 

Super-stitious

Friday the 13th?  Full moon?

Sounds like the makings of an awesomely terrible sci fi comedy/thriller starring on screen love interests Ian Ziering and Candace Cameron.  The villain, a superstitious werewolf, would be played by my newly appointed favorite, Rick Moranis.  Guest appearances by Dolly Parton, Keanu Reeves, and Dave Coulier.

Side note…I recently just learned that Dave Coulier is the rumored subject of Alanis Morrisette’s famous song, You Outta Know.  Blew my mind.  Uncle Joey?? From Full House??? Broke Alanis’s heart?  And gave her a cross eyed bear?!?  Inconceivable. 

I imagine this made-for-tv movie to become a cult favorite…if not for the mind blowing storyline and acting, but for the kick ass soundtrack.  More music than talking, perhaps. We’ll even throw an Alanis song in there when Dave ironically bites the bullet. 

It’s like rain on your wedding day…

I mean, they’re cupcakes in bread form…

I blame Starbucks and these dang loaves of chocolate and vanilla cake…

I blame them for warming them up and making them taste like fresh, warm, cupcakes…

I blame the rain…

I really thought I wanted to try to end my sugar binge today.  I thought I wanted to stop eating my feelings.

Turns out I don’t.  Not unless it’s sunny, I guess.

I blame leaving too early to drop the kids off at school…

I blame the short drive through line…

Hell, I even blame them for having a stupid drive through…

I blame my brain…

I blame those sweet, white, sparkly granules…

You win again, sugar.  Until next time (and I’m most certain you will probably win again next time because I have lost all my will power and all the muscle tone I thought I had).

Every time

Every time I vacuum. 

Every. single. time.

Help

I can lend you a hand…if you need it.

Upon further inspection, I obviously need a hand vacuuming the dog hair from my floor….my apologies. 

You can be a winner

Life.

The game of life. 

There are immense discrepancies between real life and the game of life.  For instance, teachers do not make 100K a year for their salary…and the chance of having twins 3 times is pretty slim. 

Also, you have to get married in the game…but you don’t have to go to college???  What kind of awful message is this to the moldable minds of our youth?? 

What a curmudgeon I am. 

I decided there should be an adult version of the game of life. 

In this game, student loan payments and rent follow right behind payday and leave only enough for a 6 pack of beer flavored water.  A game in which credit cards get stolen and someone else enjoys that European vacation on your dime. 

Where home insurance helps rebuild your home that burned down.  A game where husbands impregnate their mistresses and wives gold dig old, rich men so they can get boob jobs.  A game in which divorce can make or break the bank and where you don’t get to cash your kids in for 50K when you retire, if you make it to retirement…or if you’re lucid enough to know you’re retiring.

Retirement in the real game of life might mean hiring a bitter live in nurse to feed you applesauce and change your squishy bedpan…especially if your children turned into teen moms.

Of course there’s real fun in real life.  I know.  There’s ice cream and sunshine and best friends.  All the great things in the real game of life seem to cost next to nothing.  🙂

As far as the real board game…when we play, we always name our kids.  The lovelies always choose perfectly delightful names for their future children.  Jenny and Jonathan…Jack and Hannah.  I prefer unique names.

My triplets Cheeto, Dorito, and Frito appreciate it…as well as the twins Cocoa Puff and Butter.

SMH

I must admit, I tried really hard…I did. I searched inside this brain of mine to decipher the simple code.  More like a puzzle than a code.

SMH…or…smh, for the non-capitalizers.

At first I just tried to pronounce it and assumed it was a great sound to go with ‘whatever.’  Very much like a pfffft or pshaww.  A little valley girl-esque. 

Smh, whatever!!!

And I now have to admit that it’s bothered me for at least a year and I felt too dumb to ask anyone, and it seemed like everyone had been using it.  I want to be in the know…in on the secret.  So I just looked it up. I just fucking googled smh. 

This is what’s going to happen a few short years from now when my innocent little girls become hormonal tweens and begin to talk in code to their friends on their fucking gold iPhones.  I’m going to be on our huge home computer searching the internet for answers into their communication methods.  They’ll be behind my back lol’ing. 

It means shake my head, as in disgust. Or scratch my head, as in confusion.  Ironic, eh?  That I was  smh’ing about the very meaning of smh.  Irony.