L’ass’o


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You can be a winner


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Life.

The game of life. 

There are immense discrepancies between real life and the game of life.  For instance, teachers do not make 100K a year for their salary…and the chance of having twins 3 times is pretty slim. 

Also, you have to get married in the game…but you don’t have to go to college???  What kind of awful message is this to the moldable minds of our youth?? 

What a curmudgeon I am. 

I decided there should be an adult version of the game of life. 

In this game, student loan payments and rent follow right behind payday and leave only enough for a 6 pack of beer flavored water.  A game in which credit cards get stolen and someone else enjoys that European vacation on your dime. 

Where home insurance helps rebuild your home that burned down.  A game where husbands impregnate their mistresses and wives gold dig old, rich men so they can get boob jobs.  A game in which divorce can make or break the bank and where you don’t get to cash your kids in for 50K when you retire, if you make it to retirement…or if you’re lucid enough to know you’re retiring.

Retirement in the real game of life might mean hiring a bitter live in nurse to feed you applesauce and change your squishy bedpan…especially if your children turned into teen moms.

Of course there’s real fun in real life.  I know.  There’s ice cream and sunshine and best friends.  All the great things in the real game of life seem to cost next to nothing.  🙂

As far as the real board game…when we play, we always name our kids.  The lovelies always choose perfectly delightful names for their future children.  Jenny and Jonathan…Jack and Hannah.  I prefer unique names.

My triplets Cheeto, Dorito, and Frito appreciate it…as well as the twins Cocoa Puff and Butter.

Cut the cheese


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Have I ever mentioned that I have created balsamic monsters?  I don’t recall when…but I introduced my little lovelies to Newman’s Own Balsamic Vinaigrette.  It’s my favorite.  It has also become a favorite of the small people in the house. 

They like anything dipped in balsamic.  Seriously.  Chicken? Obviously.  Pea pods? Absolutely.  Red peppers? You know it. 

Tonight…their new favorite became feta cheese soaked in balsamic.  They’re 7 and 4.  I don’t remember liking feta cheese until like 4 years ago.  These kids are strange. 

I wonder if they love that chalky feeling you get on your teeth when you have too much balsamic…or too much feta.  Yeah.  Mixed together?

Their poor enamel!!

Shit.  They’ll be traumatized by the dentist.  But they eat vegetables.  Motherhood problems. 

And they do actually cut the cheese often.  But we think farting is funny…so that’s ok. 

Fractious


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Fractious.  Easily angered. Unruly.  This is how our mornings go.  The lovelies become fractious beasts.

It’s nice on days that it’s not my turn to take them off to school because I lay in my cozy warm blanketed bed…and I listen to all the fractious conversations. 

Turn off the tv and get your shoes on.

No, you can’t have cheese puffs for breakfast.

Why did you wait until the last minute to start your homework?

Please stop gnawing on my arm.

Why are you being so fucking fractious right now?

Masterpieces


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Painting with kids is fun…mostly. It’s fun mostly because they don’t give a shit and becomes less fun when they cover their hands with paint, top and bottom, and smear it all over. 

But I suppose it makes sense to use your hands instead of a brush sometimes…

These paintings that you see went through about 64 transformations before being finished.  Lovely #1 and #2 had a wonderful time making them.  There were some moments when the paint was swirled around and looked awesome.  Then it all got goobered together into the mauve-ish gray that you see on the left. 

A great base to paint something on top of next time. 

Although I think next time we should use watercolor paint….