Zombie bacon?


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Is it made out of people?  That’s what zombies eat, right? People?? Brains??

Strawberry vanilla?  It looks kind of delicious though….like a sour patch kid.  Sour kid’s brains prepackaged for all your zombie needs.  Yum….

Progressive zombies of the future will protest against gmo zombie bacon and overly processed brains.  They will strive to only ingest organic human brains with the highest amount of omega-3’s.  They’ll be juicing us to ingest the maximum amount of micronutrients in our delicious flesh. 

Juicing us.  Morbid. 

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Wanna Fanta


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Oh man. When’s the last time you had a fizzy orange soda pop?? 

It’s been an enormously long time for me.  And I had a gigantic green juice for breakfast…but something says to me today, ‘don’t you wanna? Wanna Fanta?’

And I said yes. Yes, I wanna!!!  It was so fizzy and delicious.  It stung my teeth and tickled my nose.  I loved it so badly.

The thing is…I know sugar is bad, but it makes me feel great. It does. I love the sugar high.  I’ll take a 5 hour crash for a 30 minute sugar buzz.  I love it.  I love that I giggle and I love that I want to zip around and I love that I have the illusion of energy and I love that I am wittier and sillier.

I can’t help it. 

I realize I sound like a drug addict.  I admit it. I am addicted to sugar.  I don’t think I need to enroll in overeaters anonymous.  I don’t think I over eat.  Maybe there’s some candy crush saga help group that I can join, even though I don’t play that game.  I need to crush the candy!!!

But I love the candy.  Perhaps I bring back the coffee?  I love the caffeine zip of an Americano as well.  Maybe I just need a new zip.  Maybe the green zips aren’t cutting it.  Maybe they make me feel too even steven,  when what I really need is some zippy highs and moderate lows???

Am I convincing myself to become unhealthy?  Yes, yes I am.  Will I listen to myself?? Such struggles.

Don’t you wanna?? Wanna Fanta?? 

Sugar!!!!


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I’m on a sugar binge.  A sugar high…filled with Twix bars and Laffy Taffy (lame jokes included)… blurry days of riding the sweet, crystal wave!

It is awesome. I’m high on life right now. I’m fun again. I’m funnier. I’m even nicer.  Nevermind that dull burn behind my eyeballs. Nevermind the unquenchable thirst.  Nevermind that twinge in your brain every 30 minutes that says ‘just one more piece.’  Nevermind that little tremble…it’s normal. Nevermind that sour apple colored urine!!

I realize I will come down from this high soon…because the Halloween candy supply has been severely depleted.  I mean, we’re down to dum dum pops and green hard candies. There’s no more chocolate in that bowl…or flavored tootsie rolls.  We’re sending out an S.O.S!

So much for being anti-sugar.  It’s addicting!! It’s like legal crack (so I’ve heard).  So legal that they put it in everything and dedicate holidays to it.  How can I resist? 

I swear I’ll get back on the big, healthy, green bandwagon soon. I swear. I swear I’ll make a sugar detox juice…if I must.  I won’t let this bowl of sweet deliciousness break me…or break months of progress to train my tastebuds to like celery more than skittles.

Die, sugar, die!!!

(And by ‘die,’ I mean, bring your friends and meet me in 30 minutes)

Pink pee


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I seem to only post my pink juices.  It’s the beets that make them pink.  There’s another thing that beets turn pink.

Your Pee.

It can be a touch alarming the first time.  You wonder if it’s a hint of blood. You move into panic mode and try to decipher what could possibly be wrong with you.  Kidney stones?  Ulcer? Digestive tears?  Cancer???

Oh, it’s nothing…just the healthy beet juices. 

This pinkalicious juice is beet, beet greens, cucumber, lemon, apple, and watermelon with rind.  Super tasty and sweet. 

Gimme the juice


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I’m obsessed with my new juicer. I suppose it’s not all that new anymore, but it’s my new thing…so, it’s still new. 

A few months ago, I felt like garbage.  I was positive I had some crippling disease that was making me want to sleep 20 hours a day. I had zero energy. My lady parts were irregular…which made me freak out a little.  Maybe a lot. 

The trouble with the internet is you can try to diagnose yourself.  During the process, you discover 56 life altering syndromes that all work together to make you want to cry. 

I had to have a mammogram. Thankfully, I was in good health, even though I wanted to sleep all day and not speak to anyone. 

I finally bought a juicer.  Fuck it! It couldn’t hurt, right? 

I started making green juices every morning and quit coffee cold turkey.  Yeah. Sucks. 

I also quit consuming refined sugar at the same time. I was determined to get more natural energy and eliminate the crashes and moodiness. 

Juice!!!!! It’s pretty amazing. You can drink a whole salad in 3 minutes.  I haven’t done a full blown juice fast or cleanse yet…mostly because it’s hard to have fresh juice at work. 

I’ve learned your supposed to consume your juices within 15 minutes or the healthy properties in them begin to break down. 

This beautiful pink juice above is cucumber, green apple, lemon, and beet. Sweet and delicious.