SMH


I must admit, I tried really hard…I did. I searched inside this brain of mine to decipher the simple code.  More like a puzzle than a code.

SMH…or…smh, for the non-capitalizers.

At first I just tried to pronounce it and assumed it was a great sound to go with ‘whatever.’  Very much like a pfffft or pshaww.  A little valley girl-esque. 

Smh, whatever!!!

And I now have to admit that it’s bothered me for at least a year and I felt too dumb to ask anyone, and it seemed like everyone had been using it.  I want to be in the know…in on the secret.  So I just looked it up. I just fucking googled smh. 

This is what’s going to happen a few short years from now when my innocent little girls become hormonal tweens and begin to talk in code to their friends on their fucking gold iPhones.  I’m going to be on our huge home computer searching the internet for answers into their communication methods.  They’ll be behind my back lol’ing. 

It means shake my head, as in disgust. Or scratch my head, as in confusion.  Ironic, eh?  That I was  smh’ing about the very meaning of smh.  Irony.

Tangy zip!


I feel dull. 

I don’t seem to have that tangy zip that I want.  How do I get this zip?  I used to have it consistently.  Now it comes and goes. 

I’ve found that sugar makes me zippy.  Caffeine makes me zippy too.  Both of these, to me, are fun yet artificial zips…although I love them.  I do love them.  I don’t want to deprive myself something that I love. 

But where is the homeostasis?  Where is the plateau?  Where is the level headed consistency of zip that I once knew?  Where’s the tangy zip??

Perhaps I buried it away into a box with the notebooks of terribly dark and adolescent poetry I haven’t burned yet?

Or tucked it in the portfolios of awful watercolor paintings I attempted (I was never that great at watercolor…too impatient)?

Stuck in between every single piece of paper that lovely #1 ever put a crayon mark on when she was 2? 

Maybe it got sacrificed to the thrift shop with the piles of unnecessary shit that I seem to accumulate and purge on a regular basis?

I bet it’s lost somewhere in the Tupperware drawer.

No, I bet it’s been right in front of me the whole time…and all the while I’ve been searching, it’s been growing more and more annoyed that I can’t find it. 

Oh, there you are, tangy zip!

Just kidding. I didn’t really find it.  I just thought it would be funny if no one could figure out if I was  searching for something intangible or the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.