Though shalt not wallow


image

You never know what you’ll find in the bargain priced book section of Barnes and Noble!  From mandala coloring books to paleo cookbooks to this little self help gem…

It made me think about how so much of what we read nowadays is found online (ahem…this blog, for instance) yet the most amazing books, magazines, and knick knacks we find are because we wander and browse.  There is no one behind a computer across the country figuring out my browsing preferences and suggesting things through advertising.

The charm of a bookstore.  It’s the only comforting place within the bowels of February.  And even though it’s a large bookstore, not a cute little mom and pop book shop, it’s still a favorite.  My soon-to-be ten year old says to me as we left the bookstore the other day: I just love the bookstore.  I love the way it smells and how quiet it is and all the books. I just love it!

So I’m not wallowing about that.

I’m trying not to wallow at all…and although it is difficult because I am a pale skinned, vitamin D deficient, polar vortex inhabitant, I’m slowly coming to the surface like a little ice cube bobbing to the surface of a fruity rum drink.  What I wouldn’t give for a crisp margarita in some 75 degree sunshine.  Yes, to all you people that don’t live in cold climates, yes, there are some of us that do sink into a little gray, seasonal depressive, funk-ball.  It stinks.  But we’re not wallowing!!

You wouldn’t believe the amount of things we can accomplish when it’s 55 degrees and sunny, truly…but now it is wintertime….and we’re trapped in darkness.  Alas, there’s books to read and books to write and angsty emotions to convey through an insignificant little blog.  We are not wallowing though, thanks to the bargain priced books!

(I’ll have you know, I thought long and hard about purchasing that book and while I found it endearing and reasonably priced, I couldn’t pull the trigger…because that would mean that I actually was giving in to my wallowing.  I’m very un-constructive about my wallowing.  I will not give in!  I will not let it happen!  Sorry, little book, but thank you for being written…love you!)

Advertisements

Ah, yes, the obligatory birthday post


image

Today is my birthday.  I am now 34.

I welcome my birthday much like people welcome the plague.  While I pretend to enjoy the new internal struggles of ‘oh fuck, now I’m 34 and still haven’t made any progress towards what I really want to do with my life,’ I also pretend to enjoy questions about myself and my birthday plans.  I deflect. 

It’s a strange thing…attention.  It makes me slightly uncomfortable when it’s something I don’t have any control over.  Birthday? I didn’t do anything to get praise for that.  It just happened one day.  It happened to my mom, mostly.  I may have been 10 pounds and it may have been painful. Work hard and try to make something of your life?  Meh…everyone does that, right?

I have no significant birthday plans.  It’s -5 degrees outside right now.  Plans? Really?  I’m wearing two scarves for crying out loud!  It’s a double scarf birthday!

As I reflect on my past year and sketch out a new framework for this coming 34th year, I try to remember all the things I used to want… the things that I told myself I wouldn’t forget to do when I got a little older. Maybe most of them are unachievable.  But maybe they’re not!  Good lord, I hope they’re not….

I mean, they’re cupcakes in bread form…


image

I blame Starbucks and these dang loaves of chocolate and vanilla cake…

I blame them for warming them up and making them taste like fresh, warm, cupcakes…

I blame the rain…

I really thought I wanted to try to end my sugar binge today.  I thought I wanted to stop eating my feelings.

Turns out I don’t.  Not unless it’s sunny, I guess.

I blame leaving too early to drop the kids off at school…

I blame the short drive through line…

Hell, I even blame them for having a stupid drive through…

I blame my brain…

I blame those sweet, white, sparkly granules…

You win again, sugar.  Until next time (and I’m most certain you will probably win again next time because I have lost all my will power and all the muscle tone I thought I had).