Toughest dot connection ever


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I wonder what it could be??

Will my children ever figure this out??

What sort of activity book did this come from?  Will my 6 year old figure it out?? Will my 9 year old?  Oh my…

Surely, MENSA has issued this dot to dot challenge to secretly weed out the brilliant from the morons…

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These birds…they’re pretty pissed I’m sitting in their front yard, enjoying the morning sun. 

They’re tweeting to all their bird friend followers:

If this bitch doesn’t get off my lawn, I’m shitting in her teeth.

I’m gonna peck the eyeballs out of her spying face.

Fml, the annoying neighbor lady is back to chat.

You can be a winner


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Life.

The game of life. 

There are immense discrepancies between real life and the game of life.  For instance, teachers do not make 100K a year for their salary…and the chance of having twins 3 times is pretty slim. 

Also, you have to get married in the game…but you don’t have to go to college???  What kind of awful message is this to the moldable minds of our youth?? 

What a curmudgeon I am. 

I decided there should be an adult version of the game of life. 

In this game, student loan payments and rent follow right behind payday and leave only enough for a 6 pack of beer flavored water.  A game in which credit cards get stolen and someone else enjoys that European vacation on your dime. 

Where home insurance helps rebuild your home that burned down.  A game where husbands impregnate their mistresses and wives gold dig old, rich men so they can get boob jobs.  A game in which divorce can make or break the bank and where you don’t get to cash your kids in for 50K when you retire, if you make it to retirement…or if you’re lucid enough to know you’re retiring.

Retirement in the real game of life might mean hiring a bitter live in nurse to feed you applesauce and change your squishy bedpan…especially if your children turned into teen moms.

Of course there’s real fun in real life.  I know.  There’s ice cream and sunshine and best friends.  All the great things in the real game of life seem to cost next to nothing.  🙂

As far as the real board game…when we play, we always name our kids.  The lovelies always choose perfectly delightful names for their future children.  Jenny and Jonathan…Jack and Hannah.  I prefer unique names.

My triplets Cheeto, Dorito, and Frito appreciate it…as well as the twins Cocoa Puff and Butter.

Giggle-fest


I am obsessed with giggling.  I adore all things relating to humor and light-heartedness. 

I find many people to be cranky for no good reason. 

I have been one of those people as well.  There was a time that I let ‘the man’ get me down.  I let it get to me so badly.  And yet I tried to use that anger and resentment toward laughter. 

It turned out my humor became quite cynical and sarcastic.  It was appropriate for the right crowd….wink wink.  Not for all.  I was deemed ‘a downer.’ 

Me? A downer? Fuck that! 

For the past 6 months or so, I’ve been trying to reclaim my light-hearted witty giggles.  I suppose that might be why I paused my blog for a spell. 

It’s back.  I’m back.  Like a bitch slap to the face. 

And again, I find shit funny.  Regular, mundane shit.  Like the term ‘bitch slap.’ 

Let’s make a list of all the things that make us giggle. 

1. The shortened version of douche-bag: D bag.
2. Imagining people slipping on ice
3.  Nuts
4.  Any quote from the movie Wayne’s World.
5.  Conan
6.  Poorly drawn penises

Your turn.