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Let’s save some dough and travel, yo!


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Ah, travel.

We are heading to get my Lovely #1’s passport today.  Her 4th grade class is taking a trip this spring to Denmark.  Seriously.  4th grade.  International travel!!  I’m so grateful she has all these opportunities so early in life.  I anticipate her getting bit by the travel bug while she’s away…which means that I will have to start saving even more money so that we can hop on planes and take adventures.

I was scrolling through my old photos and came across some beauties from Hawaii.  It seems like ages ago that we went, but in reality, it’s been only a year and a half.  Then I got to thinking about all the places there are to go…and how few I’ve actually been to.  And how few the kids have been to.  What are we doing?  Why aren’t we saving every single penny so that we can travel the world?  Why aren’t we taking a cross-country road trip every summer??  There are so many great places we can drive to!  I’m tired of these pesky jobs and obligations getting in the way.  It’s time to reorganize priorities and budgets, don’t you think?  Although, we probably don’t have to break the bank if we’re road tripping.

Where would you go if budget and time wasn’t an issue?

 
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Posted by on October 30, 2014 in travel

 

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They hid the mofo candy!!


What. The. Fuck.

In an effort to distract me from my addiction to crack sugar, my husband has enlisted the children to hide their Halloween candy from me!

What. The. FUCK?  I was really looking forward to a little Baby Ruth wrapped in a Milky Way…with a vanilla flavored Tootsie Roll chaser.  God damn I love those vanilla Tootsie Rolls.  Why can’t they just sell those in a package by themselves.  No one wants the lemon ones.  No one (except for me…when it gets to the last of the candy and there’s nothing good left…then I want the lemon ones).

Hide the candy?  From their mom?

Could it be because I helped myself to all the Almond Joys and all of the Butterfingers yesterday?  Or maybe because I started in on the Smarties, M&M’s and Sweet-Tarts?  Perhaps it was the sugar induced fit of rage that followed?  I tore through the house like a tazmanian devil…a swirling tornado of milk chocolate aroma, candy wrappers and Skittle dust.  Maybe the last straw was waking up next to a bitchy, irrational, sour patch woman with a killer sugar hangover?

‘Throw away all the candy and all the junk food in the house!  I hate everything!!  I can’t control myself!!  Save yourselves!!’

I’m completely irrational and I plead with him to just try and help me out.  I talk all this game about eating healthy and detoxing from junk food because it makes me crazy (just a little but maniacal).  I ask for all this support and help in trying to keep it out of the house.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Just help me out, man!  Get this shit out of here.  Once that first grape Skittle touches my eager little taste buds…it’s over.  It’s over.  Game over.  Shut it down.

I guess he didn’t like it.  I guess it wasn’t sexy Halloween kitten enough.  I suppose I asked for it.  I suppose I have a little bit of a problem.  But am I a little bit irritated that he made a special phone call specifically to ask them to hide it before I got home…and that I can’t even have one little piece??  Because it’s hidden from me??

I’ll sniff it out.  Give me 8 minutes.

 
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Posted by on October 28, 2014 in Anger, healthy, Humor

 

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practicing patience


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Do not take advice from this pup.  She may appear to be waiting patiently for her food dish to be filled, but she is a master of trickery.  Trickery for Treat-ery.  She is far from patient.

She is staring.  Staring at me, and with every move I make, she flinches and gets ready to eat her feast.  Her back legs are at attention, ready to spring into action at the slightest gesture.

I reach for my coffee, she bounds into her room ready to scarf it down.  I continue working.  She trots back, annoyed, and sits down and stares at me again.  I reach for my phone, she jumps up.  I give her the look and grow annoyed.  She sits back in her position and stares at me.  She is growing impatient with me.  She’s wondering why I am so fucking stupid…why don’t I realize that she is fucking hungry!!  She breathes at me.  She’s huffing and puffing at me, like a little bratty kid.

It’s not time to eat yet.

‘But Moooooom, I’m starving!!’  I can read her thoughts.  She is trying to sway me with her cuteness.  I can’t even take it.  Look at that friggin face!  I have to fucking feed her!!!

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2014 in dog, Humor

 

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must. resist. the. candy.


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It’s here.  The day after trick or treating.  The day when the candy bowls are overflowing with the best of the best.  I’m talking Snickers bars and Butterfingers and Skittles and Tootsie Pops.  Laffy Taffy and Peanut Butter M&M’s.

I die.

I must resist.  I must resist.  I must can’t resist.

Sorry kids!  Your mom is a sugar addict and once you go outside to play she will pilfer through your bowl for the best candy and demolish it.  Then she will allow you one single piece after dinner…and then once you are sleeping cozily in your beds, she will gorge on the rest of the chocolates and taffies and sour hard candies you worked so hard to collect.

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2014 in healthy, Humor, playing, Uncategorized

 

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Speaking of wheat…


I am, by no means, a wheat, gluten, or grain expert.  I didn’t write Wheat Belly and I didn’t write Grain Brain.  Hell, I didn’t even read either book yet.  From what I’ve read on various medical, health, and alternative health websites in the past few weeks, the mental and physical challenges from wheat and grains are real.  They are real for me.  Maybe I’ve made them up…to be real in my brain…because I need them to be real.

I don’t care.  I’ll try it.  I’ll try an elimination diet to see if I’m a non-celiac gluten sensitivity sufferer!!  In the name of science!!  I’m skeptical, as always, but I’ll try it.  I’ll try anything to feel a little more even keel…a little less roller coaster of emotions and energy levels.

I think the hardest part to digest (hahahaha, get it?? hahaa) in all this wheat/grain business is all the previous years of my life.  What if this really is the answer and the cure to my emotional instability and increasing forgetfulness?  It’s hard to think about all the struggles as a kid and teenager with anxiety and sadness.  It’s hard to comprehend that it could all have been solved had I been eating less whole wheat.  I mean, my mom worked at a natural bakery.  We ate so much bread.  So much good bread too…which it seems is a little worse in this whole grain game.  It’s a confusing thing.

I started on this whole research expedition because I had stanky farts for about a month.  All the other symptoms were there, I just connected the dots.  I’ve just resorted to the fact that I will always have those bumps on my arms…keratosis pilaris.  I’ve been struggling with the brain fog and lethargy for quite some time.  I’d researched about sugar, hormonal imbalances, candida overgrowth, adrenal fatigue before.  I’d made a significant effort to eliminate processed foods and sugar completely.  I was completely addicted.  Still am!  I cut out sugar for a long time to no avail.  Still addicted.  You better believe I had those Reese’s peanut butter cups after my wholesome dinner of zucchini and lentils tonight!!

How would my life’s path have been different had I eaten a completely different diet from childhood?  It’s a little too mind blowing to comprehend for me at this time.  Onward and forward.  I like vegetables and I like fruit.  No biggie, right?

Yeah, until there are bowls and bags of trick or treat candy haunting me from the kitchen!!  The Horror!!!

 
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Posted by on October 24, 2014 in healthy, ideas

 

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The brain drain grain game


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Gas. Gas…led me to scour the internet for a cure to a rather stinky situation. 

What I found…and self diagnosed myself with…seemed suitable. 

Diet. 

The concept that nutrition having a significant role in overall health is, in my opinion, the only way to live.  Eat junk, feel like junk.  Eat well, feel well. As difficult as that can be when there’s croissants everywhere!! Duh.

What I didn’t know was that grains, and more importantly, wheat, are quite terrible for us.  For most of us, rather.  I’ve always been a firm believer in ‘everything in moderation,’ even though I have an excruciatingly difficult time saying no to sugar.  But bread? Even homemade, unprocessed bread? Pita? Crackers? Pasta? Those buttery croissants??

Could this be the answer?? To the gas?  Perhaps.  Perhaps it could also be the answer to the brain fog, mood swings, insatiable cravings, bumps on the back of my arms, stinging dry eyes, headaches, lethargy, aching joints and muscles, not-quite-right-but-nothing-wrong privates, forgetfulness, brain fog…oh yeah, and brain fog. 

Perhaps it could stop the brain degeneration which I fear is happening to my mother and which I fear will happen to me?? Could it be so simple? Just cut out wheat? Perhaps eventually all grains? But…I’ve never been a firm follower of the gluten-free fad.  Like, really, do carrots need to be labeled as gluten free?  I mean, come on.  Or the whole Paleo fad.  Why does it have to have this trendy hipster label?  ‘Clean eating.’  Everyone wants to call it something. 

It’s annoying.  I don’t want to call it something.  I know I don’t have full blown Celiac disease.  That is no joke, people.  I just want to have a little more homeostasis in my brain and body. 

Hey, I like a doughnut every now and again.

Here I thought sugar was the evil culprit, but it turns out the conspiracy against my sanity goes even further.  Wheat, as it turns out, has a morphine-like fix, which means you crave even more without ever feeling full or satisfied.  It also makes your blood sugar rise higher than after eating a candy bar…and I love candy bars.

Especially Snickers and Whatchamacallits.  Yum.  Oh, and Twix bars! 

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2014 in healthy, ideas

 

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These questions never get answered


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It’s one of those nice days. One of those nice days that gets you thinking about life and living and hopes and dreams and what not…you know, that whole ‘what does it all mean’ business.

It’s irritating and exhausting.  It’s irritating to have to daydream about what my life’s path is and whether or not I’m following it accordingly.  Can’t I just drink my delicious latte, listen to some Pearl Jam and drive through the tree lined streets imagining myself writing best selling memoirs on a sunny porch?  Can’t I just do that?

No.  Nah.  Nope.  Not in the cards for this girl.  I get in my own mind’s way most of the time.  I seem to get caught up in the reality of laundry and dog food and cooking dinner that is wholesome and effortless.

I think back to that first assigned self portrait I had to create during my first year in art school.  A mess of tag board, watercolor, words to a shitty poem, and some other collaged bits.  I thought I knew myself then…until my teacher and classmates critiqued it.  Awful. Hideous. Meaningless.  Small town.  Juvenile.  What did I know about art??  What did I know about myself??

Maybe that’s the beauty of it.  Never really knowing?

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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