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This is how you make a home-made band-aid.  Tear off a little piece of paper towel and hold it over the tiny little knife wound on your pinky…the one you got after you accidentally grazed the knife as it laid there, innocently.  The cut that shouldn’t have happened.  The cut that now leaves an annoying little flap of skin too deep to rip off…but perfect to get caught on sweaters once it has crusted over a bit.   Then fumble around for some scotch tape.

Try to hold the paper towel on your finger and also retrieve enough pieces of tape to cover all of the paper towel.  Despite the awkward finger fumbling of the sticky substance, you must succeed.  We have to cover it all because there is still celery to chop and carrots to peel for this fucking delicious pot roast…and the dreaded tear inducing onions….and you sure don’t want any onion juices seeping into that fresh little cut.  You just started!! You can’t back out now!

Of course, this while process could have been avoided had you just bought the damn $3 Frozen movie themed bandages…the ones that aren’t sticky and are too small for an adult sized wound.  They’re more like decorative stickers.  And why doesn’t Target deliver??

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A grab bag, if you will…


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I bought ombre curtains…

I was torn between these and some blue striped nubbly ones.  The deciding factor was there were only 3 of the striped ones and I didn’t really want to ask anyone working if there was another one in the back.  Basically I didn’t want to talk to anyone. 

While strolling the aisles, the employees were busy stocking and what not.  They were all so happy!  Honestly, I’m not being sarcastic. One group by the outdoor furniture was talking about how much they love Rick Moranis.

Um, hell yes!  Ghostbusters? Honey, I shrunk the kids?  Spaceballs?? Strange Brew?  Yes.

I smiled.

I saw so many people that were so happy to see each other at work.  It was impressive.  Sometimes it feels like people hate being at work and there’s this awful energy…but not at this Target today.  And it’s raining and cold today. 

I also just discovered this great Pandora station titled 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s hits.  From Foxy Lady to Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch?  Yes, I’ll take it. 

And I was able to make a father’s day card decision from the wall of cards.  I went for simple and classic…nothing gushy…don’t forget about your dads this weekend, people!!

Watch a classic Rick Moranis movie with your dad and admire your new curtains and freshly painted walls…just do it.

Ben


I had a 100 dollar bill to deposit today (yeah, big money).  Being Sunday, I had to make this deposit in the atm. 

I love the atm deposit abilities of my bank: checks, cash…and no envelopes or human interaction necessary. 

But it wouldn’t take the hundred.  It was one of the older styles.  Didn’t have that huge, off-centered, fat face on the front.  Just a centered, petite Benjamin. 

Denied. 

Is this a counterfeit??

Tried again.  Denied again.

So I went to Target and spent it.  They took it.  Smiley face. 

Blueberry explosion


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I’m a big fan of the blueberry.

So much, in fact, that I would rather have more berries than cereal.  Why put them in there in the first place if you don’t get at least 3 blueberries per bite?  Let me tell you, Special K is not that special without sprucing it up a little.

I purchased these particular berries from Target.  Wait, Target?  Uh…yeah.  We have a quote unquote ‘super’ Target near our home.  They sell groceries.  It’s like an upscale Super Wal*Mart.  At any rate, they tend to have some good deals and sales on random food items sometimes.  Yesterday, it was blueberries.  2 containers for $6.  Awesome!  Especially when a quarter pint is like $6.

I snatched up those bad boys in a minute.  I gathered a few other things and soon realized that I probably should have grabbed a basket for my shopping…but I was in a hurry, on my way to work, and just wanted to stop and grab a few things.  I loaded my arms full of lettuce, sugar snap peas, a sack of trail mix, said pints of blueberries and was wandering down the frozen aisle, thinking that I might want some frozen peas.

I walked down the aisle.  I spotted the peas.  Peas must’ve been popular too, as the package I wanted was way in the back of the cooler.  I shifted the items in my arms a little, opened the cooler door, and reached my arm in there.  My arms felt lighter.

I looked down at my feet.  One of the containers of sweet, juicy, on sale blueberries had taken the leap.  It had slipped off my perfectly balanced tower of food and was plummeting towards the floor.  It hit like a firework on the 4th of July.  The tiny blue rounds scattered in all directions.  They rolled in all directions and surrounded me.  Perhaps 7 remained in the actual container.

I stood there.  Stunned.  I looked up to see if anyone had witnessed this hilarity.  There was another woman having difficulty making a decision over pizza way down on the other end of the aisle.  Thankfully, the berries hadn’t made it all the way to her, yet.  I was hoping she would look at me and that we would share a giggle.  She kept her nose to the pizzas.  Surely, someone had to have seen this happen.  Nope.

I darted away, tip-toeing carefully around my beautiful berry firework sculpture on the floor.  I felt one burst under my boot.  ‘Sorry little guy,’ I thought in my head.

I went back to get another pint (duh…sale)…and then headed out to find someone to tell about my misfortune.  I saw a red shirted employee carrying a bunch of baskets.  He saw my armful of goodies and asked if I needed one.  Ah, the irony.  I did…and I didn’t.  I admitted that it was me.

It was ME that dropped the berries!!!