Colder than a witch’s tit?


It was quite frigid outside today…colder than a witch’s tit, some might say.  Where do you suppose that phrase originated, anyway?  If any of you know, please enlighten me.  Please.

I would like to add that my mother used that phrase from time to time.  Hers was different.  Hers goes, ‘Colder than a witch’s tit while doing  push ups in the snow in a brass bra.’  Picture that for a moment.

I, personally, give that crazy witch credit for getting her ass out there.  I give her credit for busting out a workout despite the daunting temperatures.  Pun intended (busted out…get it? bust. Ha!)  Fitness is important.  You need arm strength to stir that giant wooden spoon in the cauldron everyday.  And she obviously needs titty support from something stronger than a regular old sports bra.  She must be busty.  I can’t help but picture a crusty green witch with scrawny little arms and giant brass covered boobs dipping her boobs in the snow piles over and over.  She wears a red, white, and blue sweatband on her forehead, under her pointy, stereotypical black witch hat.  With each upward push she exclaims, ‘Curses!!! Curses!!!’

This witch has dedication and I commend her.  All I want to do when it’s colder than her icy tit is tuck my feet under the dog.

 

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I’m sorry I’m posting your license plate online…


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Yes, I know it probably isn’t very cool to take a picture of someone’s license plate and post it on the internet for all to see….however, a plate like this is just begging for attention!  I was so intrigued by who might create such a clever personalized plate.

I mean, it’s D’Shizzit, right?  Maybe it’s Snoop-D-O-double G!

Or perhaps the driver Dishes it?  Like a lunchlady…or like a prosecuting attorney?

Maybe it’s about a thug robbing jewelry?  ‘Dis Heist!

I could’ve interpreted it all wrong….it could simply be a creative way of spelling Diseased.  That’s a shame.

Rummage


To me, having a rummage sale is strikingly similar to taking a dump.

You get rid of all your unwanted shit…and no one really wants to pay 25 cents for it, but you certainly don’t want to keep it around gathering dust in the nooks and crannies of your house.

So you should just flush it, open a window and light a match…have a rummage sale but keep it to yourself.