hypocrisy


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Ok, so I didn’t get a pedicure before going on vacation.  I thought I might treat myself to one while away, but I didn’t.  I didn’t feel the need.  Why bother?  Who cares?  They’re aired out for three days and then they get wrapped in warm swaddling socks until summer.

I didn’t anticipate my toes being in any pictures…you’ve all seen those annoying vacation photos of the girl’s perfectly pedicured toes in the sand.  Yeah, I thought so.  We know you’re on vacation…stop taking pictures of your feet and take a picture of something pretty!!!  Or something boring like your dessert of creme brulee.   I would rather see a million photos of the water and the waves and the sand and anything else.

I didn’t even take a picture of myself on my trip!  Wait…now that I think about it, I did take a picture of my bangs sticking straight up one morning.  I also had my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.  What can I say, Danger is my middle name.  Yeah, baby!

My toes were not supposed to make an appearance in this picture…and I neglected to crop them out.  And now, it has taken over my whole train of thought….because as I type this, those fat little cheese sticks are wiggling hello at me.

 

what to do while traveling


Sleep.  That is the obvious answer.  It’s hard to sleep for 12 hours though…well, comfortably anyway.

Read.  Yes.  For a while.  I feel like when I’m flying, my eyes start to cross and I get a little nauseated if I try to read something intense.  Especially a new book that smells like a new book.  I tend to lean towards more humorous tales (um, really, Kate?).  Perhaps I can find that new David Sedaris book…or Chelsea Handler.  I love some good ol inappropriateness as well.

Listen to music.  I’ve got the ipod all charged and re-stocked with some tunes I haven’t listened to in a while but love.  Also, some Soundgarden and Pearl Jam.  I’m not vacationing from my faves.

Paint my nails?  I could really use a pedicure since I’ll be in sandal weather.  How hilarious would it be if I was sawing away at my callouses and fuming up the whole plane with polish?  Asking the flight attendant for some hot towels to soften my cuticles.  We’d all feel a little better about flying with a little contact buzz.

Paint on paper?  I could stash a little watercolor set in my purse.  It’s a big purse.  It’s more like a backpack.  That’s why women are so fortunate on airplanes.  We can actually have like 2 carry-ons.  One that looks like a carry on, and one that looks like a purse…but you can pull out lamps and umbrellas and mini-refrigerators like Mary Poppins.

Apply self tanner?

Start a sing-a-long?

Gorge myself on trail mix and hope that I never have to use the airplane lavatory?  I hate that little stinky box.

Yoga?  I did talk to a woman who said she would do stretches in the aisle on long flights overseas.  And you thought I was crazy.  I like to keep my muscles stiff and mushy.