Sour Patch


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This is just what we need in our break room at work…1.9 pounds of sour patch kids.  1.9 pounds!?!?!  I wonder why not fill up that last .1? Just make it an even 2 pounds of soury sugary goodness!

I can’t help but eat them…

First they’re sour, then they’re sweet…then they’re laughing maniacally at all the cavities they just mined inside your precious teeth…and then they’re calling their conspirator dentist friends with code words like ‘operation root canal’ and ‘ insurance dream come true,’ reporting they expect their payment in small bills at the drop point at midnight.

Nerd alert


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Nerds. Who doesn’t love Nerds? Those little sweet and sour sugar boogers.

I love that they still sell nerds in the little box with 2 flavors. I also love that you slide the little cardboard top to open each side and shake out the little nibbles like a candy rattle.

We’ve all made the mistake of accidentally keeping the cherry side open when trying to shake watermelon into our mouths…thus shaking cherry Nerds all over our faces! Don’t tell me you haven’t. Or sometimes the box just doesn’t slide back closed like it’s designed to. But I appreciate that Mr. Wonka has held true to certain design genius.

No one wants to waste Nerds.

I remember as a kid, going to Dairy Queen, and getting Nerd Blizzards. Yeah. They don’t make those anymore. They were amazing. I can guarantee my vile dentist remembers them too…and that he writes letters to Dairy Queen, begging to bring them back.

‘The Oreo Blizzard just doesn’t pack the cavity inducing whollop that Nerds do. Please, for the livelihood of my family, I beg you, please bring back the Nerds Blizzard!’ Asshole.