Spears

Whenever my mom would make asparagus, she would call them spears…

Over time spears turned into Britneys…like Britney Spears. 

‘How about some salt on your Britneys?’

Yes, salt….indeed.

What else was it she would say?? Oh yeah…asparagus…ass-per-gas.

So weak…

Dear coffee, I really miss you.

I am weak. A weakling!!

I had a coffee yesterday. And even though I may be a weakling because if it, I loved every moment as well. I loved it! I’ve always loved coffee and lattes and mochas and all the drizzles and bells and whistles.

Why I stopped…I suppose I was ready to try anything to feel more normal at the time. And…while I definitely don’t feel more normal now, I feel that I have proved to myself that I can if I need to or if I had to.

But I don’t have to.

I can do whatever I want!

Oh, that first warm, delicious, coffee flavored sip mixed with that creamy fluffy whipped cream. You bet your ass I got whipped cream! I tried to savor it…but I may have chugged it. It was so good. So delicious!

It also, of course, delivered the zip that I’ve missed as well. I kind of like the caffeine sweats and the racing thoughts and the shakes a little. It makes the day a little more interesting and makes giggling a little easier.

Dear caffeine, I really missed you too.

Wanna Fanta

Oh man. When’s the last time you had a fizzy orange soda pop?? 

It’s been an enormously long time for me.  And I had a gigantic green juice for breakfast…but something says to me today, ‘don’t you wanna? Wanna Fanta?’

And I said yes. Yes, I wanna!!!  It was so fizzy and delicious.  It stung my teeth and tickled my nose.  I loved it so badly.

The thing is…I know sugar is bad, but it makes me feel great. It does. I love the sugar high.  I’ll take a 5 hour crash for a 30 minute sugar buzz.  I love it.  I love that I giggle and I love that I want to zip around and I love that I have the illusion of energy and I love that I am wittier and sillier.

I can’t help it. 

I realize I sound like a drug addict.  I admit it. I am addicted to sugar.  I don’t think I need to enroll in overeaters anonymous.  I don’t think I over eat.  Maybe there’s some candy crush saga help group that I can join, even though I don’t play that game.  I need to crush the candy!!!

But I love the candy.  Perhaps I bring back the coffee?  I love the caffeine zip of an Americano as well.  Maybe I just need a new zip.  Maybe the green zips aren’t cutting it.  Maybe they make me feel too even steven,  when what I really need is some zippy highs and moderate lows???

Am I convincing myself to become unhealthy?  Yes, yes I am.  Will I listen to myself?? Such struggles.

Don’t you wanna?? Wanna Fanta?? 

Slurry

I feel a little scratchy throat creeping.  It might be because my little lovelies have a tendency to cough in my mother fucking face from time to time. 

I try very hard to resist the sickness.  I try to keep my immune system pumped up with all sorts of healthiness.  But every now and then, I have cocktails and get a hangover and the little mucous germies have a chance to multiply. 

Assholes.

The slurry I am chugging today to combat this is hot water, lemon, honey, and cayenne pepper!!  Oh yeah!!! Hot and sweet and sour!!

Despite the burning from my mouth down my throat, it’s not that bad.  Hopefully it nips this little runny nose and itchy throat action in the bud. 

Greenie

Good morning, big greenie.

This is one of my favorites.  I’ll typically blend up a big one of these smoothies if I have a day that won’t give me enough time to sit down and eat, which seems to be often. 

Liquid-ish breakfast and lunch. 

It’s easy.  I fill up the blender with a whole lot of spinach…sometimes kale.  Then I add in a scoop of ground flax and a scoop of chia seeds.  I add coconut water and a little regular water so it blends up nicely.  After that’s nice and green and runny I add in frozen mango and a scoop of vanilla yogurt (my fave is Wallaby brand yogurt). 

Blend that green bitch up!! 

Sometimes, I’ll add a bit more water if it needs to blend smoother.  And I don’t really measure anything out..if you want it sweeter, add more yogurt or coconut water or mango.  But this greenie is pretty sweet. 

I’m a little disappointed in myself for writing a recipe blog today.  Hopefully something stupid happens today that I can write about for tomorrow.  I realize there’s about a million smoothie recipes out there right now…it’s not like they’re hard to make. 

You put shit in a blender.  That’s it.  Magic. 

The brain’s favorite things

So I was at the grocery store, waiting in line, when I saw the ‘Oprah’s favorite things’ edition of her magazine.  I didn’t buy it. I didn’t even open it. I only thought about what MY favorite things are…and what recommendations I could make for holiday (ugh, to soon to talk about it) gifts….if I had a magazine.

Let’s start with the obvious…Pearl Jam. If I had to choose one album to get someone, it works be super tough. A live performance would be a must. But…if I had to choose one I would choose by favorite right now, which is Vitalogy.

Doc Marten boots. They’re simply the best.

Real Simple magazine.

Banana Flax bread from my local co-op. It’s so damn good.

And I love my Breville juicer. Love it. I’ve been fond of making smoothies lately, however it was the juicer that set me on a healthier journey.

Black v-neck t shirts from Wet Seal. Wet Seal?? Isn’t that for 15 year old girls?? Yes. Yes it is. But their shirts are the best I’ve found…and they’re like $7.

Seinfeld. All the seasons.

Wayne’s World. Party time. Excellent.

A big tub of coconut oil.

Peppermint Bark ice cream. Isn’t it interesting how I speak of this healthy journey and yet still include ice cream on the list? You better believe I’ll be indulging in at least 3 pints this holiday season. Maybe more like 7.

A warm car. Remote starter? It would be on my favorites list if I had one. I could only imagine.

A tempur-pedic bed. I don’t have one of these either…but I laid on one in the showroom. It is by far one of my favorites. Please give one to your loved ones this holiday season if you have an extra $5000 hanging around.

Maid service…by someone who won’t steal your expensive skin care line from your medicine cabinet. That whore. I’m not bitter.

I could go on and on and on…

Ch-ch-ch-chia

I’m a fan of chia seeds.  More antioxidants than blueberries and more omega 3’s than salmon!!   However, I’ve never had one of these kombucha probiotic beverages.  I’m slightly frightened…

I’m going to taste test it right now.  It’s the raspberry flavor…

Hmmm…strange…but the more gulps I take, the more I like it.  Of course, the texture of the gelatinous chia seeds would freak anyone out a little.  It’s kind of like jello with crushed pineapple in it. 

Kombucha…this is new to me.  It’s kind of bubbly, like soda…but it also feels alcoholic, even though it isn’t.  Fermentation is strange.  Good for your belly, but strange.

I’m sure I’ll be quite gassy later…but my body is working on farting out all that Halloween candy.  Wouldn’t it be great if farts smelled like skittles and starbursts??

Yes, it would.  Then instead of someone asking, ‘who shit their pants?’ They would ask, ‘who’s holding out on the pixi stix??’

Sugar!!!!

I’m on a sugar binge.  A sugar high…filled with Twix bars and Laffy Taffy (lame jokes included)… blurry days of riding the sweet, crystal wave!

It is awesome. I’m high on life right now. I’m fun again. I’m funnier. I’m even nicer.  Nevermind that dull burn behind my eyeballs. Nevermind the unquenchable thirst.  Nevermind that twinge in your brain every 30 minutes that says ‘just one more piece.’  Nevermind that little tremble…it’s normal. Nevermind that sour apple colored urine!!

I realize I will come down from this high soon…because the Halloween candy supply has been severely depleted.  I mean, we’re down to dum dum pops and green hard candies. There’s no more chocolate in that bowl…or flavored tootsie rolls.  We’re sending out an S.O.S!

So much for being anti-sugar.  It’s addicting!! It’s like legal crack (so I’ve heard).  So legal that they put it in everything and dedicate holidays to it.  How can I resist? 

I swear I’ll get back on the big, healthy, green bandwagon soon. I swear. I swear I’ll make a sugar detox juice…if I must.  I won’t let this bowl of sweet deliciousness break me…or break months of progress to train my tastebuds to like celery more than skittles.

Die, sugar, die!!!

(And by ‘die,’ I mean, bring your friends and meet me in 30 minutes)

Snack obsession

Popcorn! 

Not that chemically flavored, fat, microwave junk (which is delicious sometimes, I admit)…but homemade stovetop popcorn!!

I’m obsessed. I’ve made some every day for the past 4 days. I had to buy more kernels.  I will tell you, buying kernels in bulk is so much cheaper than that microwave stuff anyway. And tastier…because you can control the taste and the sassy factor. 

So I use a medium sized pot. I cover the bottom in coconut oil and a layer of white popcorn kernels.  I’d say it’s about a quarter of a cup of kernels.  Enough to almost fill the bottom but not too many so they overlap each other. 

You don’t want it to overflow! 

You need a cover too.  Otherwise your popcorn will fly all over the kitchen and burn your toes and arms. 
Crank up the heat and wait until you hear a pop.  Shake the pot around a bit.  Then those pups will really start popping.  Once the popping slows, shake around again and turn off the heat or it’ll burn.

Done. Takes about 5 minutes.  Salt it right away so it sticks to the oil.

Enjoy while warm.  Enjoy 7 days a week.  I know it sounds like a pain in the ass to make, but it really isn’t and it’s fun to watch the little fluffies fill up the pot.  Plus coconut oil is way better than that yellow, chemical sludge that is slathered on those microwave bags. Sick