I am not athletic.


The lovelies and I caught a few ice skating performances on the Olympics last night. 

I remember being young and watching in awe…gawking at the girls in sparkly outfits spinning and hurtling themselves through the chilly air.  I always wondered how they got those nude colored leggings around their skates without tearing holes in them. 

There was a woman who skated to Pink Floyd last night.  Shine on you crazy diamond. 

I began to think of all the great songs I would skate to if I were talented and not a weak ankled, fat knee’d, awkward faced, cynical mom with unachievable, athletic, childhood dreams. 

Of course, you know me, and I would have to skate to Eddie.  I noticed everyone tries to skate to beautiful and moving pieces of music.  I would have to make a medley of Pearl Jam.   A little Chris Cornell and Soundgarden action could be great too. 

Maybe Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch? Color Me Badd??  Vanilla Ice???  Salt n Peppa?  Matchbox 20??  Stone Temple Pilots?  Nirvana???

Grunge is like poetry, arguably, and so is ice skating, I guess. 

I could wear a signature Cobain cardigan.  I could have a pair of Doc Marten ice skates fashioned as well.

I wouldn’t smile.  I would keep an air of angst and dirt and just enough self doubt.  I might even flip people off but I would school some fucking ice skating haters.  I would be so good on those triple axles and so visually and musically ironic, no one could handle it. 

I would be the best role model for young girls.  My own kids would roll their eyes and say, ugh mom, not Pearl Jam again. 

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grunge and glitter


Yesterday’s glitter-storm of valentine making proved mighty exciting.  Almost as exciting as seeing Soundgarden tonight.  As I carry around the leftover teal and lavender glitters from head to toe, I am optimistic that it will make me blindingly sparkly for Mr. Chris Cornell.  I’m sure he will deliver me a backstage pass and inquire about my sparkly style.

I mean, how do you get it to whoosh around behind you when you walk?  

Well, Chris…can I call you Chris? You have to make valentines with me to find out.

I’m there.

And that’s how Chris Cornell and I became best friends and how I met my second husband, Eddie Vedder.  How did you think all that happened?

Bringing back the 90’s


I loves the nineties.  I was in middle and high school.  It was the grunge movement.  The dark days…when it was cool to be dirty and depressed and artsy fartsy and wear huge boys’ clothes. 

It was great, wasn’t it?  I mean, in high school, what is there to be truly depressed about?  Exactly. 

Flannels and Doc Marten boots.  Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Soundgarden!!  My favorite out of the three is probably Soundgarden.  It all started with that creepy video for Black Hole Sun where everyone’s faces get all distorted and creepy from the sun.  Weird.  Anyways….all their other songs are way better than that one.   

I would totally leave my husband for the lead singer, Chris Cornell.  Yes.  Sorry husband! 

And my birthday is the same as Mr. Kurt Cobain…which means that I am obviously perfect to play a dirty, tortured, creative genius who wears the same cardigan everyday.  Yes!

I’m bringing back the grunge.  I’m excited.