Big Texan or busted


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Totally got pulled over for speeding in Texas.  Somewhere near Vega, on our way to Amarillo.  Well, so first of all the speed limit in New Mexico is 75 and then it switches to 65 in Texas.  Lame.  So that is a little hard to get used to.  And there was also this field of red blinking lights that had me totally distracted.  I kept saying how I wished I knew what they were so I could stop wondering what in the hell they were!!

So, these taillights are on my ass and I’m all, I wish this dick would just pass me already, and then Whoop Whooop, there go the lights.  A little shocked, I said, I’m getting pulled over, am I really getting pulled over??

He approached the passenger side, and asked for Insurance and my license.  No registration needed in Texas I suppose.

THEN he asks me to step out of the car and INTO HIS CAR!!!  What the hell?  This does not happen in my state.  Is this customary in Texas??  Because it’s strange…very strange.  I’ve watched all the crazy Dateline and Law and Order shows where the Policemen are totally twisted and perverted.  Not excited…..

So I went to his car (disregarding my better judgement) and left the door open in case he tried to lock me in and trap me and drive away and make me give him blow jobs and spank him with his night stick and what not.

And then he says in his Texan accent, You should close the door to keep that cold breeze out.

In me head I am screaming don’t close the door don’t close the door don’t close the fucking door…and what do I do?  I closed the fucking door!  I can see my poor friend trying to see what is happening, but it’s dark out and the police lights are blinding her.  So I can see her worried face but she can’t see if I’m ok and then the dude starts making small talk with me.  Small talk??  Small talk!

He asks what I do for a living, and what brings me to Texas and tells me I’m a good friend for flying out and helping her move back…and asks did I know the back license plate light was out on the car.  I tell him how she can’t drive well at night, she has bad depth perception and he tells me about his glasses and contacts and that his night vision is not great either.  (Gee, officer, that makes me feel very safe)

Finally, after what seems like an hour in that car, and the most awful and meaningless small talk, he tells me he’s giving me a warning.  Then he asks if my friend is good with practical jokes.

Sick perv wants to scare the shit out of my poor friend that thinks I’m having to perform weird and disgusting things to this Longhorn??  She still can’t see what is happening back here in this police car…and I can see her peeking over the mounds of luggage and blankets we have packed in the car and I can see the worry and panic on her face and I can’t do that to her.  I won’t.  I won’t let this longhorn shorthorn make my friend cry or pee her pants.

I denied the joke…I don’t even know what kind of twisted prank he wanted to pull…but I did ask him what the hell those blinking red lights were…see, because I was so distracted by them and dying to know.  It would’ve bothered me all night.  They’re a windfarm.  Windmills!  They stretch for miles and miles.  So I got my question answered in a strange way.  Not the way I would’ve planned it, but then we found a castle to sleep in.  The same castle that nearly made my friend vomit…so I’m not so fond of the upper hat of Texas.

Sorry.

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