It’s funny to say it. Go ahead, say it. Wobbler…wobble wobble wobble. Sounds a little like the hamburglar from those old McDonald’s commercials, eh?
SO! The wobbler is one of Lovely #1’s teeth! It’s one of the bottom ones in the front.
Remember losing teeth and the tooth fairy and having your mom say I just want to look at it and then rip it out and scar you for life??
Tooth fairy…this concept is quite strange isn’t it? Your teeth fall out. You place the bloody rooty tooth under your nice clean pillow. Some fairy comes to collect this morbid piece of bone. She leaves you money for it.
She didn’t have to work for it at all! All she had to do was come and pick it up. This stupid fairy! She’s gross. Why is she collecting little kids’ baby teeth anyway? What if I put my wisdom teeth under there? Would she bring me cash? Maybe she should bring the equivalent to what I would owe the dentist fairy for yanking the fucking things out.
Please, tooth fairy, bring me some cash too.
And why is there only a tooth fairy? Why isn’t there a driver’s license fairy? Why is there no menstruation fairy? Why is there no virginity fairy? Why is there no first zit fairy or shaved off your eyebrows fairy?
Don’t our kids get enough money and stuff and get fed enough magical myths around holidays? Whatever.
I might just have to tell her there is no tooth fairy…I mean, there’s a lot of little teeth in there! I’m on a budget!