A friend of mine and I were enjoying lunch. The salad that we were sharing just happened to have mandarin oranges in it…some kind of oriental bullshit salad. The mandarins in the salad were canned and she started to talk nonstop about how their texture, when canned, is slimy, disgusting, and similar to that of a vagina.
Her obsessively vegan roommate was also with us. She scoffed and with high authority told her to go get them with the peels on, they’ve got them down at the market.
To which my friend quickly responded, Uh, those are Clementines…totally different. Have you ever seen mandarins with the peels on?
The roommate tried to come back and say that she had, but she obviously thought that those little Clementines were Mandarins! Oh, no no no, my friend. We wondered why an obsessive vegan such as herself didn’t know her fruits apart. She asked my friend if she would eat them and like them if they weren’t canned.
Of course. But the canned ones remind me of vaginas and I don’t like to eat vaginas.
And that…is that.