Street pizza…almost


I was crossing the street to go to work this morning…and some girl in her trendy Abercrombie knit hat nearly ran me over in her gold Toyota!  I had the walk signal…I was walking.  I saw her talking to the person in her passenger seat…and he pointed at me, and she swerved out of the way and kind of laughed and mouthed sorry.

It was actually quite funny looking back on it now.  I mean, I yelled out What the Fuck? And I kind of hopped sideways to get out of the way…but I just keep picturing it in my head and I keep wanting to crack up.

I imagine things about the whole situation that didn’t actually happen…like I am carrying tons of books and papers and coffee and they all go spilling all over the street as I jump out of the way, and then she opens her window, looks back, and laughs an evil cackle-like laugh and says Have a nice trip, see you next fall!  Bwa-ha-haha!!

I imagine people open building windows to look and point.  To look and laugh at me as I scramble to gather my papers before they scuttle away in the wind and sop up all the moisture left in the street.  I imagine that I bump my head and wake up with amnesia and the only thing that triggers my memory is the smell of a particular type of hair gel.  I imagine myself in a neck brace with the jowls that are beginning to form on my face rolling up all over the brace.  Wrinkly broken neck.  Somehow…my hair is bright red in this as well.  I’m pretty good at imagining.

Just what would’ve happened if she had actually hit me?  I have no idea.  I’m always trying to make situations go away….so I might tell her that I am perfectly ok, as I am bleeding and limping away.  I spit out a few teeth while I walk drag myself down the sidewalk to work.  I give her a $40 check for the damage to her car; there isn’t any damage…but I give her a check anyway.  I’d still go on about my day; shards of glass poking out of my shoulder.  I’d bandage it up.  Eh, just a scratch. I’ll live.

I guess it goes to show…nothing.  This story shows nothing.  I was going to say that people should pay attention more when they drive, but she wasn’t doing anything wrong.  She just didn’t see my lightning speed.  She was having a conversation with her friend and was politely looking at him.  She saw me…she said sorry.  I’m sure she felt embarrassed.  I’m sure she told some people that she almost ran over some girl in the middle of the street.  It goes to show absolutely nothing.  These things happen.  We don’t have to go and make a news story about it…geez.

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