Sometimes when I am really really sleepy and I go to the bathroom, I have a tiny panic attack that I am actually dreaming and pissing the bed. I kid you not. Today was a day like that. This afternoon I was a little geeked from coffee and starting to crash a little…and I went to the restroom to, you know, pee.
The moment that things began to trickle, I freaked out, thinking that I was in some wacky dream, half asleep, totally wetting the bed. I freak for a moment that I will wake up to a wet bed and that my husband will look at me and wonder just what they hell is wrong with this chick?
Maybe this happens sometimes because I am so worried about Lovely #2 wetting the bed. We are in the midst of potty training her and she is doing awesome during the day, but wets the bed every night. I mean, she sleeps like 10-12 hours, so of course she doesn’t make her way down the stairs, into the bathroom, and all the way back up all by herself. So I am a little obsessed with urine lately. I think about it a little too much. Sometimes I will gasp awake in the night thinking that I should wake her up and make her sit on the toilet just so I don’t have to wash a-fucking-nother set of sheets and blankets.
So now it is starting to affect me, during waking hours. When I realized this today, I was at work and the bathroom there is really dim and loud and it’s kind of like a dream. Well, not dreamy, but more like one of those spooky freaky dreams where there’s odd colors and faces and sounds all around. Where, at any moment, your second grade teacher or high school boyfriend could materialize in front of you in the stall and then all of a sudden, you aren’t even in the stall anymore, but are at a party where people are eating mushrooms and smoking doobies and they realize that you just wet your pants and the boyfriend says something odd like I knew you were a bedwetter. That’s what this bathroom is like. Surreal. Like a Dali painting; melty clocks hanging all about and mirrors with no reflections.
All these things are enhanced with the lack of sleep. Every time I leave the bathroom, I think, did that just happen? And sure enough, yes, I did successfully use the restroom and wash my hands without actually wetting the bed while dreaming.