It is written in the universe

Today my horoscope said that I would be extra in tune with my psychic abilities.  Interesting!  It also said that if I was a psychic that I should not do too many readings…that I might exhaust my powers.

Um…isn’t that the point of being psychic?  I can see myself doing a few great readings for strangers at my star and moon tableclothed table.  I have big hoop earrings and a sparkly scarf tied around my head (yeah, I go all out stereotypical psychic).  Maybe some clogs on.  After a few great readings, I start to lose my steam and people begin to get frustrated and heated with how far off I am with their life…or how they really don’t want their lives to be the way that I have foretold.  They start to want their precious money back!

I’ll cover my ass by gasping, ‘It is written in the universe! The universe grows cloudy…I…cannot…I cannot see…any…more.’

And I will cover my eyes with my forearm and sneak away into the secret curtained off ‘back room.’

I do actually believe that I am pretty talented at reading people.  It’s kind of my job…in a way.  I teach people to be really perceptive of tone of voice and body language, to read into what someone is saying by how they shift in their seats when they say it, to know if they are lying or excited because of how they look.  For instance, if someone tells you that they like something, but shift their eyes away…total lie!  There are a lot of very simple cues.  I’ve read that if someone scratches the back of their neck 3-5 times while they are speaking, that they are lying.  Weird, but I’ve tested it and I think that it is quite true most of the time, unless you are outside in a mosquito-ridden back yard.  These cues vary from person to person, of course, but some things are too subconscious to control.  Most of the time, we ignore these little nuances in other people, but they are the very devices that we must pay attention to.

I really do love reading my daily horoscopes.  I don’t necessarily believe any of the things written will come true, but if it makes me laugh or tells me I will be receiving money, I’m all about it.  The part of the horoscopes that really make me laugh is they use your sign in place of your name.

Like, ‘You may be travelling soon, Aries’ or ‘It’s time to spend some quality time on your relationship, Taurus’ and ‘Be on the lookout for old friends today, Pisces.’  It’s like we are old friends!  Oh, horoscope, how I’ve missed you!

Also the ambiguity of what may happen….’You may travel today or you may decide to lay low.’

‘You may come into great wealth this year, or you may need to file bankruptcy.’

‘You may stub your toe today or you may see someone stub their toe.’

Yes, I read horoscopes for enjoyment.  If something should happen that is written in the universe, I would be more than willing to admit it to all! I’d say, Oh! My horoscope said that would happen!  I’d give all the credit to the silly horoscope for making such a great thing happen.

My reading for myself (being that I am very psychic today) will be to go and watch Hell’s Kitchen and thoroughly enjoy it or say ‘eh’ in its mediocrity.


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